The moment I read and listened to the lyrics to Kesha’s new song “Praying” I was compelled to read Kesha’s story of the struggle she experienced with anxiety, depression and a terrible eating disorder.
I can relate to her story. I think a lot of us do, but we keep it hidden from the light of day. We choose to fight alone in the darkness.
I’ve walked on that same rugged path of severe depression and anxiety. It followed me around like barnacles on a sunken ship. It was the biggest stumbling block I encountered in my life. It was no easy burden to overcome. The night terrors alone were enough to keep me from wanting to fall asleep at night. No one knew I was going through this nightmare except for my family.
Kesha was blessed to have the support of people who loved and cared enough to help her get through this. I agree with her new insight on why she is sharing this lowest point in her life. Like they say “everything happens for a reason.” God is now using her to help others. Her fame is a plus, as she can reach more people than the ordinary person.
In her own words Kesha credits her good friends for helping her get through this rough time in her life:
I was blessed and honored to be able to work with some amazing people that helped me realize the vision of this song. Thank you to Ryan Lewis and Ben Abraham, who wanted nothing other than to help me channel all this raw emotion into a powerful song, and to the mad scientist Jonas Åkerlund, who helped me actualize the psychedelic journey that is this physical, emotional ride for the music video.
This is just the beginning. I am so happy and grateful to begin sharing all the music I have been writing with the world. I’ve written a record that reveals my vulnerabilities, and I have found strength in that. In the past, I’ve always felt like I was trying to prove something, trying to be someone I thought people wanted me to be, but on this record, I’m just telling the truth about my life. This album is me. The most raw and real art I have ever created, and now it’s my gift to you. I hope you love it. Thank you for not giving up on me. We made it <3. I love you all so much.
“Praying,” my first single in almost four years, comes out today. I have channeled my feelings of severe hopelessness and depression, I’ve overcome obstacles, and I have found strength in myself even when it felt out of reach. I’ve found what I had thought was an unobtainable place of peace. This song is about coming to feel empathy for someone else even if they hurt you or scare you. It’s a song about learning to be proud of the person you are even during low moments when you feel alone. It’s also about hoping everyone, even someone who hurt you, can heal.
I know that I was never abandoned by my fans, my animals, or my family, but when you are depressed — really, truly depressed — you feel like you have nothing. Even having my kitties sleeping next to me in my darkest of hours couldn’t bring me light. It is in these moments when even the most cynical among us are forced to turn to something other than ourselves — we turn to prayer, or something like it. You look past your shame, past your desire to hide, and admit you need help.”
Like Kesha, my goal in situations like this is to do the best that I can to help and support others who are suffering with this debilitating illness. I want them to know that life has many twists and turns, but that even in the deepest valleys the mountain top is just around the bend with wondrous new adventures to treasure and behold. Indeed, life can be beautiful.
When I was young I didn’t know what was wrong with me. All I knew is that I was terrified and losing control of my emotions. I found out years later that I was suffering from severe postpartum depression. But it never got better, until I sought out a doctor for help. It’s such a feeling of hopelessness, fear and anxiety that no one can comprehend unless they’ve experienced it. If you find yourself in such a dire situation, don’t let it consume you. Ask for help immediately! It may save your life.
Most people don’t want to share the nightmare they are going through for fear they might be labeled as mentally deranged. Sadly, these episodes of deep depression lead some to end it all. It’s not the way out. The way out is to live on to help others who suffer as you do.
Robin Williams is one good example of how this awful medical condition known as chronic depression can destroy one’s life. Robin always looked so happy and carefree, but on the inside he was basically dead. That’s how depression makes you feel. Nothing matters. It’s like one is grieving one’s own death.
We become nothing more than a living, breathing organism with no desire to do anything. The only up for me was that I had no appetite and I lost weight. But believe me, that’s no way to get into your favorite little black dress! I looked like death sucking on an old life saver!
I did the same thing Kesha did. I began to pray day and night. I wrote all my feelings down. I wrote poems about what I was going through. I cried a lot. I begged for God’s help and one day he heard my guttural cries. He lifted that veil of doom from my life. I praised Him and rejoiced for the gift of new life He had given me.
Prayer is what we turn to when all else fails. Even the most hardened person who says their is no God will turn to Him when the bottom falls out from under them.
The truth is that we all need The Lord of this universe. Only he can lead us out of the darkness. Only His love and peace can lift that cloud of pain and sorrow from our hearts.
We can do nothing apart from Him!
I thought my nightmare would never end, but God kept His promise and after much prayer and trust in Him I was healed.
I want to share the poems below with you. I want to show you all where I was and how in the end I came out of the darkness with the wings of a butterfly.
I applaud Kesha for baring it all to the world in her very vivid revelation on this dark episode in her life. If it can save one life it makes it all worth it.
The song “Pray” is pure gold. It touched me deeply. To be honest it made me cry. It brought back the memories of what I had to endure to get to where God wanted me to be. I wish Kesha the best in life and I hope her relationship with God continues to embolden her to help others with their struggles with deep depression and anxiety.
I can attest to the fact that my redeemer lives, because He lead me out of the deepest pit I had ever been in. If I had taken the easy way out, I never would have been able to experience being a grandmother and great-grandmother. I’ve been truly blessed. The best is yet to come! Enjoy it while you are still on the right side of the grass!
These poems are dedicated to everyone out there who suffers in silence… it’s my little contribution to the cause!
You Calmed The Storm
I was a single flower – standing alone – alone and broken, withered and dying. I needed peace, I needed love, I needed light and warmth to help me stay alive. I searched the sky, I searched the earth, but everywhere I looked there was no one to give me peace. I had to fight to stay alive. I cried and cried and found no peace. I hated me and hated you and everyone who broke my heart. I couldn’t find a thing to love. I was alone. I called the gods, but they didn’t listen, they didn’t exist. Still no one heard my sad, sad cries. I was alone, I felt despised. I was abandoned, I paid the price. . .
My heart was bleeding. I longed so much for someone’s love. The hate I felt was killing me. It dragged me down like heavy rain. The pain I felt, I could not explain. It made me feel like I was trapped and drowning in the darkness I called my life. The rage inside was my only friend. I couldn’t find the peace that I had been longing for. I couldn‘t smile, I couldn‘t trust nor love the one that mattered most. It was the person inside of me – my one true friend. . .
But then one day the sun came out – it warmed my heart and lifted me up. I pushed the darkness into the pit that had been my life for far too long. I found the Son who came to tell me that He loved me. He took the clouds and all the darkness that followed me. He made me see that I had found my one true love and inner peace. . .
I let the hate drop like stones into the sea of broken dreams. You calmed the storm in me. I found a dream that filled my life with greater things that I could not see-while I was curled up in this dreary, dark and lonely place filled with the stench of bitter hate. I saw the Son, he came to me and took my hand – lifted me up into the sky and showed me things that brought me joy and true, precious peace. . .
Now I smile, I sing and dance. I feel alive and spread my wings. I am a flower found in the spring with colors I’ve only seen in dreams. I am not alone, I am now free, and filled with His perfect love and precious peace. He helped me conquer the things that made me feel like a dying flower, so all alone. I found the Son and He found me. And now I smile and dance and dream. . .
all rights reserved copyright 2016
I Will Not Abandon You
My child, I have heard your prayers and it breaks my heart to know that you are hurting so. Don’t you know that I love you and want to shelter you beneath my wings? Just reach out and touch Me. I will not abandon you. Be still for I am just a breath away. . .
Turn your face up to the sky and look up at the stars. See how far away they are? Yet, they are there for you to see. So look up and you will see Me. And when the wind moves, you will hear My voice. . .
My child, take My hand and let me comfort you. Know that I will never let you go. Have faith, for I will always be with you. . .
Through all your trials and tribulations I have heard you cry and I have cried with you. I have counted all your precious tears. . .
Know that nothing in this world can separate you from my love. Nothing can harm you in the shelter of my arms. Just trust Me and love Me and know that I will not abandon you. That is all I ask of you. . .
© 1999 all rights reserved Susie Perales
Written by Susie
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